November 9, 2018

Q: So one of my closest friends just starting dating this guy. She has liked him for so long now, they have been friends for a while before dating, and he is honestly such a nice guy. I just feel like she is already choosing him over me and our other friends. I can’t say anything to her because I know how happy she is. I don’t want to make her choose between us and him. I just feel like she is already becoming more and more distant from us and I worry it will get worse. I know I’m not the only one friend who feels this. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to hurt her and I don’t want to make her choose. Please help me in any way you can!

A: I don’t think that your friend is growing apart from you guys, and I don’t think that it’ll ever come to the point where you have to ask your friend to choose between you and her boyfriend. Right now your friend might want to spend all her time with him, but that’s only natural. I mean she’s liked this guy for a while and now she finally has the chance to be with him. So, of course, she’s excited and happy and all lovey-dovey, it’s the honeymoon stage. But give the relationship some time and things will balance out. Your friend will realize that she also needs to spend time with her friends and find a way to care for everyone in her life. It might take more effort on your part as well. Try to invite her to hang out more often and actively try to include her into fun activities. Fair warning, you’ll be the one to reach out first most of the time. Not because she has forgotten about you, but because she has less time on her hands now. But remember that your happiness is also important. So if things don’t get better over time, talk to your friend. Don’t ask her to choose between you guys and her boyfriend, but tell her how you’re feeling and ask her to spend some time with you as well. If she gets upset at this or doesn’t change how she acts, just give her some space for a while. It’s clear then that she thinks her boyfriend is more important than you guys, and it may take some time for her to realize that’s false. If things don’t ever change, then think of your own self and stop concerning yourself with her. You deserve better than a one-sided relationship.