I was adopted on May 12, 2005. I was found on November 20, 2003, in Taizhou, China. I was adopted when I was about 1 and a half years old. I was said to have been left at a blood bank at birth.  Technically, I’m not exactly sure.

Later I learned that many adoption agencies make up stories to “satisfy” the parents who are adopting, but in reality these babies were stolen, left to die in market places, or sold to the orphanages for money. Many babies were taken by human sex traffickers, or if they weren’t adopted they were sold to them.

In China, they call these people “matchmakers.” Nobody really knows what happens to these babies once they are sold, but many parents choose this over having their baby’s killed by the government. Many people just wish for their child to survive, even if that means having to give them up. People who have multiple children have the choice to sell or give up their baby to the government, attempt to hide it, or abandon it somewhere because of China’s past “one-child policy.” This could result in heavy fines to a family, the destruction of their home, or the death of them and their baby. 

One of the most common questions I get asked is: when did you know you were adopted? 

Honestly, I don’t think there was one certain moment. It wasn’t like it is in the movies, when the kid gets sat down, and the mood is very serious and the parents say, “you’re adopted.” It doesn’t happen like that. At least, not for me.

My parents made sure that from the start I understood what adoption was and we never treated it like it was an uncommon thing. I know that adopted or not, I am fully their child. Just because we don’t share the same DNA, it doesn’t make me feel like any less of their child. I didn’t realize until I was older that adoption was not a very common thing. 

My parents are Cathy Boyer and Lisa Everett. A lot of people ask me who my “real” parents are or if I have met them. I start thinking about what the term “real parents” means. I know exactly who my parents are, and I am pretty sure they are real. Even though they didn’t give birth to me, I know they’re my “real” parents. To answer the question though, I don’t know who the people who gave birth to me are and I probably never will. One of the most memorable things I have ever been told is, blood does not make a family. We may not share the same DNA, but we are 100% a family. Being adopted does not make you feel like any less of one. 

My recorded birthday is November 20, 2003. When I was found I was turned in and named. My name was then Tai Fu Su. Tai is the name of my birth town, Fu comes from the name of the institution, and Suis given to me from the “passer-by” who found me. My adoption is a bit different than what you may think of when you think of adoption. I have no trace of who my birth parents could be. In China it is illegal to put your child up for adoption, so that resulted in many people having to leave their newborns in places all around China. People may think that that is very selfish, but I don’t like to think about it like that. At the time I was found, there was a one child policy in China. Due to their overpopulation, China only allowed people to have one child. This is one of my theories of why I may have been left. I don’t like to jump to the conclusion that my birth parents didn’t care about me, but they may not have had the ability or opportunities at the time to care for me.

Whenever I go to the doctor’s office, I can never fill out family medical history. I have no idea what may “run in the family.” I don’t know why I am the way I am. Why do I have dark hair? Why do I have brown eyes? Why am I kind of tall? I’ve wondered a lot where I come from and who my birth parents are. I have not to answer these questions but have always thought about it. It is a lot harder than most people think. I have no idea who they could be, and that makes the process of looking for them much harder. I personally don’t know if I want to put a lot of myself into looking for them when there is a very little chance of finding them. There are agencies that work to connect adopted babies from China to their “birth parents.” Recently, I have looked more into it, but have not decided if I want to start researching and looking.

Some people know a lot of information about their adoption, and others know nothing. This was a difficult story to write, because there is a lot of information I don’t know. There are a lot of blurred areas and missing spaces to my story.

But for all of the searching and questions I’ve posed about my unknown past, I’ve also found that maybe these things don’t really matter much at all.  I was adopted somewhere in China in an unknown location, but that’s not who I am.  From the time my parents first held me, my official life story had begun.  Adoption is only a small part.  

I am not ashamed of this; in fact, I actually think it’s quite interesting.

Still, I am conflicted about my own emotions.  Do I want to know more about my birth parents? Who would I have been if I were never adopted? Part of me wants to seek out these answers, perhaps through an organization which matches DNA to birth parents.  However, a larger part of me wonders why I would ever waste time, money, and emotions on a process which wouldn’t make much of a difference at all.

It doesn’t change who I am now.