Today on the Funion, the best news source ever in existence (look it up), reports have come in from the most recent performance by the NA jazz band. Audience members witnessed an incredible performance, as the band exerted themselves to the best of their ability. After the concluding song, the band received a tremendous standing ovation from all three people in attendance.

“Incredible. Fantastic. Stupendous. Fantastic Again.” exclaims the sister of baritone saxophonist Julian Neofes. “I can’t wait for the next one.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if these concerts stopped,” mumbles second-cousin of clarinet and percussionist Eric Wareheim, “But the extra legroom is nice. Plus, I practiced my paper airplane skills with all the leftover playbills.”

Perhaps the blame for these absences comes from low school spirit and generally low school publicity around concerts. In our humble opinion, however, the real reason is the fact that there are no concessions being sold at these events. Promise anyone free Mountain Dew® Kickstarts™ and popcorn, and they’ll be swarming there like moths to a flame.