“My dad hit the woah and my mom started crying.”

“This woman is a whole mother, like, girl, tend to your child.”

“One time I ate paper out of pure anger.”

“Stop complaining about your life. There are literal people living in Illinois.”

“Do you think Hildy looks like John Paul Jones from The Bachelor?”

“Does anyone wanna make a Tik Tok?”

“I screamed at her and she threw up.”

“His IQ is lower than my shoe size.”

“I’ll just say I have cancer and it’s my dying wish to leave.”

“If you don’t answer me I will sell you to a priest.”

“I’m so upset, I left my Kickstart at home.”

Person A: “Jesus Christ!”

Person B: “Hey!”

Person A: “…My Lord and savior.”

“If it wasn’t somewhat illegal, I would.”

“I’m lactose intolerant but I can still eat meat.” 

Person A: “Those gloves make you look like a furry.”

Person B: “Rawr.”

“The only thing I remember about The Outsiders is that the first sentence is the last sentence.”