https://youtu.be/cAa4EH7KA7s

In the scene attached from the movie “Home Alone”, a family is shown arriving at a house on Christmas Eve. One would think that the smiles and laughs that Kevin, the main character, saw coming from inside the home would fill him with joy for the upcoming holiday. However, his entire family forgot him in Illinois on a Christmas vacation to Paris. Kevin is saddened by what he saw because all he wanted was to be with his family on Christmas Eve. This scene is how I and many others feel during the holidays. The difference between Kevin and a lot of people is that he has a large family who all return home the very next morning.

As depressing as that may sound, it is the dark reality for those with broken families. No matter the situation, the holiday season for some people can be a painful reminder that you do not have the impeccable Hallmark Christmas movie life. Those movies always paint the picture perfect family snuggled up by the fire enjoying each other’s company- but that is not the truth for many.

It may sound impossible to not be excited for the long break from school, opening presents, and the food. But for me, just picturing this makes me want to curl up in bed alone to watch Fuller House(which definitely does not help), eat ice cream, and have no communication with anyone.

Every year, I find myself attempting to weather the unfavorable thoughts that fill my mind during the holidays.  The happy spirit I had during Christmas as a kid has left me, and the perfect holiday displayed in movies and TV shows now haunt me. No matter how hard that I try not to think about it, I find myself very lost and deserted. It hurts that I am not systematically happy during the season and I do not share the feelings that the outside world wants me to feel.

For a long time I did not realize my family was a little different than everyone else’s. As I got older, I questioned why my father was not with us and became very confused when I saw my friends with their families during the holiday season. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for the memories I have created with my mom and grandparents but I have always felt a little empty during the holidays- and I know I am not alone.

It has taken me awhile to come to terms with the fact that I do not have a flawless family situation. Every family has their flaws.  I am not the only one going through things like this and I acknowledge that I am very lucky for what I have been given. Yes, the holiday season, to put it nicely, sucks for me. I will forever have this empty feeling in me.

The only thing that makes me feel better during this time of year is knowing that I am not alone. If you have a similar situation to mine, just know you are not alone either.